My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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