shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
