just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I FOUND THE LEGS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
