Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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