once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
