I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
