thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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