You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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