how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
