Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
