3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
