i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FUCK WHALES
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
