Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
