i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
