3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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