shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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