his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
