just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
