Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
