you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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