i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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