You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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