I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
