Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
