Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
