Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
