Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
