In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
