Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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