Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
