Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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