I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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