Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
