He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
