I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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