i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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