she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
