he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
