I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
