Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
