She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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