U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
