I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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