she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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