Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
