There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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