1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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