I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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