On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
