We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
