dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
